? Then she shrugged and turned away in embarrassment. ?And for another, I don?t need to pee.?Nathan was startled. ?Oh!? he said. ?Well for heaven?s sake, if it?s a number two, I?m sure you can hold out until we get home.??But that could be hours!? said Megan. ?And I don?t think I can!?Nevertheless, she tried. But as the next half-hour wore on, and they moved less than a car-length, her desperation increased until she was clutching at her abdomen in pain. ?Dad!? she gasped. ?I?ve got to go!??I?m sorry, there?s nothing I can do about our situation,? snapped Nathan, who had been getting more and more irritable as the time passed. ?You?ll just have to wait, unless you want to go out in the pouring rain and take a dump on the shoulder. Why so desperate, anyway? You used to be able to hold on for a week or something.?Megan bit her lip. For as long as she could remember it had been her habit to wait as long as possible before emptying her bowels ? her doctor had called her a ?classic anal. His every movement and word carried the gravitas of a Shakespearean actor. "I am looking for Mr. Jonathan Stanford. Is he within the confines of this room?"Everyone looked at Jon. Jon felt a bead of sweat drip down his face."Ahh, I see I have found the right place." The man entered the room. He was of such ponderous girth that Jon had no idea how he would fit through the threshold, yet he seemed to negotiate it as though it were nothing. "I have here a Singing Valentine to be delivered to a Mr. Jonathan Stanford from a Miss Cai— Ah, I beg your pardon, from a Mrs. Caitlyn Stanford. Your bride, I presume?"Nathalie giggled. Jon had to clear his throat before speaking. "Uhh, yes, that would be—" He had the insane urge to say, 'No, that's my mother.' "That would be she." Well, then, Mr. Stanford, I beg you attend these words which I shall now sing. And, your beloved urges me to assure you, they are meant from the heart."Thus he planted his legs solidly, drew a dramatic breath, and began.
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